And I’m not talking about the river in Egypt. Alright kids, we’re friends right? I can be honest with you all right? It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything, and I feel like this happens a lot. I also feel like it happens for the same reasons, so when I do chime in to ‘splain myself, I sounds like a broken record. Trust me, if you think it’s annoying to read the same stuff from me, try being inside my brain going over the same things all the time. I’m getting to the point where I’m getting sick and tired of myself!
But seeing as I have this handy little corner of the internets, I can use it as I please, and dang it, I just gotta purge some of these no-good thoughts rolling around in my brain.
So as you all know when I posted a few weeks ago, I was SUPERPSYCHED about my new training plan, and don’t get me wrong, those totally awesome cant-wait-to-kick-butt-feelings were real. I started to clean up my eating habits (which had gotten SO off track since I was injured it wasn’t even funny), and I was feeling like I was moving in the right direction. I’m not sure what happened, but at the end of week two, my motivation dropped….like plummeted. I had a lack-luster workout that Sunday, and when I woke up Monday morning, I was feeling down in the dumps. I didn’t want to do anything, and when I allow myself to get like this, my mind plays some pretty mean tricks on me. I did my work out that day, but the entire time I was defeated. Telling myself I was slow, out of shape, that I would never be able to run fast again, and that the 15 extra pounds I’d put on since Fargo weren’t ever going to come off.
The problem with this is that each time I get so down on myself, all things “healthy” go out the window, and my eating was complete rubbish. I don’t think I ate a green vegetable more than a couple times last week, which in turn makes me feel worse….it’s just a nasty cycle, and it’s what led to my years of inactivity and unhealthy living. It’s scary knowing how easy it is for me to slip back into that, and frustrating that after all this time, I still don’t have it all together.
So just repeat that for the rest of the week, and you can imagine that I’m not in the greatest place mentally. I am bound and determined to get things right, even if I just take it one workout, one meal, and one day at a time. I did do something I’m pretty proud of (it was one of my 2013 “resolutions”/goals) and I threw away my scale a week ago. I would step on that thing 3 times a day, and depending on the number I saw, would determine if I would be in a good mood or not…..umm HELLO RED FLAG! You don’t need to be an expert to tell me that wasn’t healthy.
So, if anyone has anything motivational to say, maybe tell me I’m not alone and other people are as crazy as I am, PLEASE chime in. Or send me some inspirational quotes, movies, nothing is too cheesy. Or maybe just tell me to stop being a whiner and suck it up, that nobody is going to do the work for me, and the only person to blame is myself….yea, a good kick in the a$$ might work too :)
It’s a new month, and I think I just need to wipe the slate.
