And I’m not talking about the river in Egypt. Alright kids, we’re friends right? I can be honest with you all right? It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything, and I feel like this happens a lot. I also feel like it happens for the same reasons, so when I do chime in to ‘splain myself, I sounds like a broken record. Trust me, if you think it’s annoying to read the same stuff from me, try being inside my brain going over the same things all the time. I’m getting to the point where I’m getting sick and tired of myself!
But seeing as I have this handy little corner of the internets, I can use it as I please, and dang it, I just gotta purge some of these no-good thoughts rolling around in my brain.
So as you all know when I posted a few weeks ago, I was SUPERPSYCHED about my new training plan, and don’t get me wrong, those totally awesome cant-wait-to-kick-butt-feelings were real. I started to clean up my eating habits (which had gotten SO off track since I was injured it wasn’t even funny), and I was feeling like I was moving in the right direction. I’m not sure what happened, but at the end of week two, my motivation dropped….like plummeted. I had a lack-luster workout that Sunday, and when I woke up Monday morning, I was feeling down in the dumps. I didn’t want to do anything, and when I allow myself to get like this, my mind plays some pretty mean tricks on me. I did my work out that day, but the entire time I was defeated. Telling myself I was slow, out of shape, that I would never be able to run fast again, and that the 15 extra pounds I’d put on since Fargo weren’t ever going to come off.
The problem with this is that each time I get so down on myself, all things “healthy” go out the window, and my eating was complete rubbish. I don’t think I ate a green vegetable more than a couple times last week, which in turn makes me feel worse….it’s just a nasty cycle, and it’s what led to my years of inactivity and unhealthy living. It’s scary knowing how easy it is for me to slip back into that, and frustrating that after all this time, I still don’t have it all together.
So just repeat that for the rest of the week, and you can imagine that I’m not in the greatest place mentally. I am bound and determined to get things right, even if I just take it one workout, one meal, and one day at a time. I did do something I’m pretty proud of (it was one of my 2013 “resolutions”/goals) and I threw away my scale a week ago. I would step on that thing 3 times a day, and depending on the number I saw, would determine if I would be in a good mood or not…..umm HELLO RED FLAG! You don’t need to be an expert to tell me that wasn’t healthy.
So, if anyone has anything motivational to say, maybe tell me I’m not alone and other people are as crazy as I am, PLEASE chime in. Or send me some inspirational quotes, movies, nothing is too cheesy. Or maybe just tell me to stop being a whiner and suck it up, that nobody is going to do the work for me, and the only person to blame is myself….yea, a good kick in the a$$ might work too :)
It’s a new month, and I think I just need to wipe the slate.
I have soooo been there! I fell into the cycle of letting the scale tell me if I was going to have a good day or not. Why do we let that happen?!? I'm still not fully out of that and still have days ruined because I let a couple of pounds bother me. A friend and I are sticking together this winter to keep in shape. Sometimes a buddy makes all the difference. Today was our first day and my thighs are screaming!! That feeling alone is a huge motivation!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think it was very strong for you to post about your struggle and I don't want you to feel like you are alone in that:)
Becky! thanks for the comment :) It's nice to know that you "get it", and can relate, makes me feel less crazy! If you ever want another buddy let me know. Keep up your good work too, we're all in this together right?!
DeleteI'm right with you. Since my marathon my motivation to train has been pretty low, and with ski season coming up pretty soon I need my fitness. My best advice is find a training partner or commit to making healthy meals for someone else (Jake?). This takes some of the decision making out of your hands, so even if you don't feel like working out or making veggies you have someone else depending on you to do it anyway. The other trick I use is to put on my running stuff and just tell myself I'm going for a walk instead of going running. Once I get myself dressed and out the door I soon decide running would be more fun and productive than walking, and I'll feel better about it afterwards.
ReplyDeleteMotivation is a pretty tough thing sometimes, but you have big goals, and training is the only way to get to them.
you're right, I do have big goals and I just have to keep reminding myself of them. I like the idea of putting my running clothes on, without the expectation of running, cause I know myself, once I step out the door, there is no way i'm just going to walk :)
DeleteHey! Claire...you have pals that will cheer you on! Like me...Give me a call anytime. I know what it is like..believe it or not...I binged on candy all day on the 30th...YIKES. I have a thought write out a list of dinners for the week...make sure you get protein, grain and veggies at every meal. If you do that then let the rest go.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful...you are strong ... you CAN do this...one day, one meal, one run at a time!
thanks for the nice comment Rael, mean a lot :)
DeleteWow, what athlete, what active person can say they have not been to this place over and over and over. Its everyones dirty little secret to try and admit that we all fall off the wagon and darn it sometimes it just feels good to let go of the structure, the discipline, keeping the eating in check, forgoing chocolate, wine or well whatever your vices are those happen to be mine. The best and most healthy thing you did was forget about the scale, they will drive you crazy and who needs that. Get back to one thing at a time. Large scale goals tend to be easy to procrastinate about. Rather than anticipate a 10 mile run go 5 and do some lifting. Rather than deny everything related to clean eating decide to cut out sugar for one week and move on from there. Most of all don't beat up on yourself, we are such critics of ourselves. Love where you are at right now and tell yourself its where you need to be exactly at this moment in time and move on from there. Tommorrow, whatever you decide to do, wherever you are, thats exactly what your life should be that day. Believe me, I speak from experience. Love you loads. Mumsy
ReplyDeletethanks mom :) I can always count on you for a good pep talk!
DeleteTraining can SUCK and it's ok to get down/discouraged, find a race and go have fun. Throw away the watch and the training schedule and run whatever you feel like that day, let your mind & body control your runs (not a watch or schedule). Have fun with running and working out - be happy in who you are and what you do - LIFE IS GOOD.
ReplyDeleteRun with Pride!
Dad in Phoenix
Claire, I absolutely love and adore how real you are with yourself! You are an amazing lady and such an inspiration. You have worked so hard to be where you are today. You are human just as the rest of us are so slipping up once in awhile is only naturally going to happen. That strong, beautiful, inspirational woman is always there. Just know that sometimes it's okay to take a break and just enjoy where you are. All my love to you, Claire!
ReplyDelete